Meeting a part of self we fear
For many, therapy or even the prospect of sitting with self, can be terrifying because we fear what we might uncover. In truth, however, meeting those parts of self, can be incredibly healing and transformative. Here is a little story of my own journey of meeting a feared part of self …
A story of connection and transformation
A planet flung so far to the edges of the solar system; it is barely in orbit
I hear a faint signal
I ignore
Body and soul begin to ache
The signal remains persistent and becomes louder
I attempt to numb
Fear grows
So I numb some more
Despite my efforts to block
You will not let up
The numbing closely watching and ready to step in at any moment
Eventually, I turn towards
A flash of unexpected recognition
Tentative yet curious
Fuzzy black and white images appear on the sliver-screen
I begin to see you
Confused and ashamed
You look so vulnerable and alone
A part of my younger self, reflected back
I witness what you have been through
The humiliation, the neglect, the shame
I hear how worthless you feel
I ask you to look at me
To see my greying hair and aging skin
To see the love in my eyes and my open arms
As you are ready, we come together
Hugs and tears of joy and pain
The final scene, as per your design, full colour
That burden of worthlessness and shame no longer yours to carry
The ache evaporates, the desire to numb lifts
I feel what it is to let go
In each others’ arms, we dance with freedom and delight
Alchemy
Wisdom
Ritual
Tonight, and many nights hereafter
I hold you close, and we dance some more
Energy
Flow
Healing
I feel the richness of our universe, beautiful beyond belief
How to journal
For my process, I used a stream-of-consciousness style of journaling during meditation – this is an approach I frequently use, where I simply allow the words to fall on the page as they do. I find a quiet space, ground myself with ritual, and then begin to write. There is no editing, there is simply a deep listening and witnessing in the articulation of what is present.
I find journaling in this way a very effective form of self-care, as it helps to differentiate from my self-experience, and thus make space to get to know and appreciate parts of self in a deeper way.
An invitation
As you sit with yourself, I invite you try the same as above and while doing so hold an attitude of gentle curiosity and openness ... you may be surprised by what you discover.
Remember, it is through connection we heal.
With love Sarah xx
